Cursed Destiny

2004-01-13T18:55:00.000-05:00

|[ Setting Right The Wrong ]|

Ok, so awhile back I read an article in some magazine that listed the 100 most beautiful women (chosen by readers) and I was horrified. The top 50 were just a bunch of skanks! Liv Tyler came in somewhere in the 70's!

This is unacceptable. Even though I know that no one will care, I've come up with my own list (albeit shorter...):

2004-01-13T18:08:00.000-05:00

|[ Yeah ]|

Yeah, so I haven't posted here in awhile. Its all good.

Thing is, the last two months I've been wasting my time in a controlled learning environment known as 'college' and I had no time to do anything else. Essentially, it leeched all my creativity. =(

More in a bit...

2003-11-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

|[ Gillian Anderson Demystifies LAN Switching ]|

http://routergod.com/gilliananderson/

2003-10-26T19:25:00.000-05:00

|[ Visions in my head ]|

I think Joey needs a hug.

2003-10-17T18:45:00.000-04:00

|[ Search This! ]|

Things to search for when its your birthday and you've turned 22 years old...

Here's a good article to read.

2003-10-16T18:59:00.000-04:00

|[ Girls ]|

I thought about girls today.

I keep having the same visions. I have them during classes and I have them each night before I fall asleep.

They're everything I could have ever wanted, and its not even all that much. Most guys take it for granted.

2003-10-14T19:47:00.000-04:00

|[ I'M FAMOUS, I'M FAMOUS@!#!^$%$ ]|

That's right. I got quoted in the campus newspaper in this story:

"A dent in the wall located near the floor is a result of the shot, said senior psychology and computer science major Joe Testa, who is also a sixth floor resident. Prince George's County Police were examining the dent last night."

So when do I get some groupies??

2003-10-08T12:33:00.000-04:00

|[ More from the Peanut Gallery ]|

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the
ark; professionals built the Titanic.

-- Anonymous

2003-10-04T15:16:00.000-04:00

|[ Another quote from my hero... ]|

"Anyone who creates his or her own cryptographic primitive is either a
genius or a fool. Given the genius/fool ratio for our species, the odds
aren't very good."

- Bruce Schneier

2003-09-26T17:03:00.000-04:00

|[ OH SHIT!@#!!@#!@#!@ ]|

There's another trailer for The Matrix: Revolutions up!

Its h0t!@#@!

2003-09-23T19:29:00.000-04:00

|[ A quote from me ]|

"Time moves forwards, not backwards."

This quote is deceptively simple. Do you know what it really means?

2003-09-18T10:23:00.000-04:00

|[ ... ]|

Gee, wouldn't you like to know what I've been up to??

Ha!

2003-09-14T21:36:00.000-04:00

|[ ]|

I hate pretty girls.

2003-09-06T17:21:00.000-04:00

|[ "Bust A Move" by Young MC ]|

Here are the full lyrics to "Bust A Move" by Young MC. Its incredible how much wisdom is packed in here. I've highlighted the important lessons:

"Bust it
This here's a cheer for all the fellas,
try to do what those ladies tell us,
get shot down cuz you're over zealous.
play hard to get and females get jealous.
Ok, smarty, go to a party.
girls are scantilly clad and showin' body,
a chick walks by, ya wish ya could sex her,
but she's in another world like you was poindexter.
Next day's function, high class luncheon.
Food is served, and you're stone cold munchin'.
Music comes on, people start to dance,
but then you ate so much you nearly split your pants.
A girl starts walkin', guys start gawkin',
sits down next to you and starts talkin'.
Says she wanna dance cuz she likes to groove,
so come on, fatso, and just bust a move.

You're on a mission,
and you're wishin' someone could cure your lonely condition.
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places,
no fine girls, just ugly faces.
From frustration, first inclination,
is to become a monk and leave the situation.
But ever dark tunnel has a light, a hope,
so don't hang yourself with a celibate rope.
New movie's showin', so you're goin',
could care less about the five you're blowin'.
Theatre gets dark just to start the show,
then you spot a fine woman sittin' in your row.
She's dressed in yellow, she says hello,
come sit next to me ya fine fellow.
You run over there without a second to lose,
and what comes next, hey, bust a move.

In the city, ladies look pretty,
guys tell jokes so they can seem witty.
Tell a funny joke just to get some play,
then you try to make a move and she says no way.
Girls are fakin', goodness sakin',
they want a man who brings home the bacon.
Got no money and ya got no car,
then you got no woman and there you are.
Some girls are sadistic, materialistic,
lookin' for a man makes them opportunistic.
They're lyin' on the beach,
perpetratin' a tan so that a
brother with the money can be their man
So, on the beach start strollin', real high rollin',
everything you have is yours and not stolen.
A girl runs up with something to prove,
so don't just stand there, bust a move
Just bust a move
Break it down for me fellas

Your best friend, Harry, has a brother Larry
in five days from now he's gonna marry.
He's hopin' you can make it there, if you can,
cuz in the ceremony you'll be the best man.
You say neato, check your libido,
and roll to the church in your new tuxedo.
The bride walks down, just to start the wedding...
and there's one more girl you won't be getting.
so you start thinkin', then ya start blinkin',
a bride maid looks and thinks that you're winkin'
She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back
and now you're feeling really fine cuz the girl is stacked.
preception's jumpin', bass is pumpin',
look at the girl and your heart starts thumpin'.
Says she wanna dance to a different groove,
now you know what to do, g, bust a move.
Just bust a move
Move it boy."

2003-09-02T16:22:00.000-04:00

|[ Sheeeeeit... ]|

When I was at the bookstore today I spotted a girl and I said to myself, "Oh my God! That girl is really attractive." Then I said to myself, "Oh my God! That girl is Victoria*!" That's when I blasted out of the store quicker than grease lightning.

Oh, and speaking of attractive girls, Liv Tyler got married four months ago and Miranda Otto got married nine months ago. I hope their husbands don't take for granted what they have. At least, if they do, I better not hear about it. It'll just depress me.

* (Victoria is the name of a particular female who I attempted to pursue a year ago under an intricate and ingenius Master Plan which ultimately CRASHED AND BURNED big time. I continue to hang my head in shame to this very day.)

2003-08-31T10:07:00.000-04:00

|[ Notice the pattern? ]|

This is what I've been feeling like lately.

2003-08-30T21:38:00.000-04:00

|[ "Young At Heart" By Frank Sinatra ]|

Fairy tales can come true
It can happen to you if you're young at heart
For it's hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind if you're young at heart

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on its way

What a crock of shit.

2003-08-29T20:30:00.000-04:00

|[ How To Ruin A Friday Evening by Joe Testa ]|

Step 1: Spend twenty minutes thinking about how you failed at getting a girlfriend even though you played your hand in the best possible way.
Step 2: Realize that you'll never have a set of cards like that ever again.
Step 3: Focus on self-defeating thoughts while rotting in front of your computer.
Step 4 (Optional): Think about that time when the very attractive tall blonde girl was playing looky-looky with you in the bar and you just sat there with your fucking dick in your hands all by your fucking self in the fucking corner like a fucking fuck-tard. Nice fucking job, jackass. Why don't you fucking kick yourself in the dick?

Actually, it doesn't even matter that you just fucking sat there like a retard because you probably would have embarassed yourself again. Yeah, so on second thought, that really was a good idea. Nevermind.

2003-08-27T19:34:00.000-04:00

|[ Listen up, y'all!! ]|

Here's something that's pissed me off for awhile.

You know Orlando Bloom? Yeah, he's the actor who plays Legolas in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. All I ever hear from girls is how hot that guy is.

Now, in general I can look at another guy and say to myself, "Yeah, I can imagine that he gets lots of women." But honestly, I think that Bloom looks pretty normal overall. I see guys on his level on a regular basis.

That leads me to believe that girls only like him because he's being projected up on a screen. This is bullshit. I loath the fact that lots of girls--perhaps mostly on a sub-conscious level--are attracted to money, power, and fame.

I'm just another guy in the streets when I'm going about my business, and people never notice me unless I'm wearing my bullet belt/fuzzy purple bell-bottoms/etc. I GUARANTEE that I'd have a crowd of girls pawing for my nuts if ever I'm in a popular movie or something when they'd normally just look the other way. I GUARANTEE it.

I get depressed when I think of this because it drives the final nails into my "maybe I'll find a good girl one day"-coffin.

Guys do this too, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much. This explains why so many of them like that raccoon-faced Brittney Spears. Jesus. With all that freakin' makeup and huge forehead she looks like Raccoon Mario from Super Mario Bros. 3. I wouldn't date her if she threw herself at me, and that's saying a lot coming from a desperate obsessive.

2003-08-24T16:39:00.000-04:00

|[ G. Freeman ]|

Gordon Freeman, lightin' up them punk bitches in da 2K3!

Here's a flash-movie of an interview with Gordan Freeman on the upcoming Half-Life 2. Funny.

2003-08-23T11:09:00.000-04:00

|[ This is why I'm going to die alone ]|

I spent a whole hour this morning rating girls at HotOrNot.com. The highest score I gave anyone was 7.

This is why I'm going to die alone.

2003-08-21T19:28:00.000-04:00

|[ h0tness! ]|

There's a new trailer up for The Matrix: Revolutions. Its h0t!

2003-08-19T21:45:00.000-04:00

|[ Yeah. This sucks. ]|

Yeah. This sucks.

2003-08-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

|[ Bored? ]|

Play some games in your browser!: Mini-golf and Pacman

Bet you can't beat my score of 37 in the golf game!

Word.

2003-08-16T20:02:00.000-04:00

|[ More tastiness!!@#! ]|

My Life as Santa's Rubber-Clad Love Slave

2003-08-14T21:19:00.000-04:00

|[ Mmmm.... tasty!@# ]|

Read this interview of Count Zero from the CDC.

Oh, and "The Neophyte's Guide To Peepshow Booths" by DelChi is good too!

2003-08-13T09:49:00.000-04:00

|[ How To Pick Up Girls At The Gym ]|

http://www.askmen.com/love/player/36_love_games.html

2003-08-10T19:33:00.000-04:00

|[ THE EFFING LIGHTBULB JUST WENT OFF IN MY EFFING HEAD!@#!@ ]|

Wow. I had a GREAT idea! I thought that it might be cool to be an amateur model.

I see two HUGE benefits from this. One, it would allow me to play dress-up more. I love playing dress-up. There's nothing quite like strutting your stuff with M-60 ammunition across your waist. Second, its a social activity. AND!... I tend to be attracted to artsy girls (though they're always way outta my league, but that's another story...)

I got this idea when remembering that my boss's sister's friend needed someone to pose in leopard-print underwear in the NYC subway a few months ago (unfortunately, my boss never followed up and he never told her that I'd be _totally_ into it.) And just FYI, I don't think I have it in me to bare it all and show off my Two Inch Terminator. No ass-shots either. Just wanted to clear that up.

Soooo.... any photographers in the Maryland area wanna use me? I can bring my own props. All I expect in return is to be able to post the pics on this web site.

2003-08-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

|[ Captain's blog, stardate zero eight zero eight two zero zero three]|

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp rocks.

In other news: I pee in the shower.

2003-08-07T22:10:00.000-04:00

|[ Become like water: flow; destroy the boundaries that your mind has imposed on itself! ]|

I bet you never thought of light pollution before.

You probably never questioned your lack of questions, either.

2003-08-06T21:55:00.000-04:00

|[ Steven Segal is CRAZY! ]|

http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/2401.htm

I heard a few years back that he tried to put the moves on some model and she totally turned him down and he got PISSED. I forgot who it was... Carmen Electra, maybe?

Anyways... he's CRAZY!

2003-08-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

|[ Olly, olly, oxen, free@!#!! ]|

When I did my laundry this past weekend, I noticed that the tag on the washing machine said 'Speed Queen'.

It made me think lots of dirty thoughts. =X

2003-08-04T18:11:00.000-04:00

|[ Another consistent view of the female psyche ]|

http://maddox.xmission.com/girls.html

2003-08-03T12:58:00.000-04:00

|[ x = x + 1; ]|

Here's an interesting article on gender roles.

2003-08-01T10:24:00.000-04:00

|[ A Messege For Whoever/Whatever ]|

Whoever or whatever was responsible for controlling my dreams last night is downright SICK.

Its just not right to invade a man's mind with images of ultimate fulfillment and happiness just to watch his reaction when he realizes it was all a sham.

Fuck.

2003-07-30T19:42:00.000-04:00

|[ Forwards Is Always The Best Direction ]|

I think I was right about where I'm going. I've felt like a puppet on strings for awhile now, but I don't mind it as much as you might think. I kinda like it this way.

In fact, I don't think that my life could possibly get any better than this.... which means the only way to go is down.

So be it. Onwards! Ya! Ya!

2003-07-29T19:29:00.000-04:00

|[ Saddam A-Go-Go ]|

Although it at times it sounds like it was recorded in someone's basement, Gwar's 'Saddam A-Go-Go' is kinda catchy. And it fits in with the times, too.

Also worthy of mention is the fact that the entire point of the Bevis & Butthead videogame (released ~8 years ago) was to gather enough money to go to a Gwar concert.

2003-07-27T20:16:00.000-04:00

|[ More Motivation ]|

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

-- Edmund Burke

Amen.

2003-07-26T11:54:00.000-04:00

|[ "Hey! Its that guy! ]|

It was shaping up to be just a regular Saturday morning for me, until I got to the gym and approached the counter to have my card scanned. Out of breath from running 1.5 miles to get there, I slump over to hand it to the girl across the desk.

"Hey! Its that guy from my Psychology classes!", she says. The tired, out-of-breath look on my face turns into a tired, out-of-breath, and confused look.

"You were in both of my Psychology classes last semester. I remember your 'JDOG' belt....". I laugh and say, "I guess I didn't quite keep a low profile like I wanted to, eh? Did other people in the classes get a kick out of that stuff too?".

"I don't know about anyone else, but I sure noticed..."

Heh! I wasn't quite expecting that!!

After finishing my work-out, I caught her name and she asked what Psychology classes I was taking next semester. For some reason I was drawing blanks even though I'm taking two. Oh well.

I know what you're thinking while reading this: "Joe's in!!" And, yeah, you're probably right considering that she was all giggly and seemed nervous, but alas, she's not my type.

This is all still cool though.

2003-07-25T20:29:00.000-04:00

|[ Geometric Theorems Embedded In Crop Circles ]|

Yeah, I ripped this from the CULT OF THE DEAD COW's blog page, but its really cool, so I'm re-posting here.

http://www.sciencenews.org/20030628/mathtrek.asp

Two elderly painters admitted in 1991 that they were responsible for creating the crop circles that started a big who-ha about UFOs. Sounds like the case is closed, eh?

Nope. The problem is, is that the crop circles had embedded into them previously unknown theorems in geometry. These discoveries do not seem to be within the reach of the two painters to arrive upon. So what's really going on?

Here's my theory (and yes, this comes straight out of the X-Files): a government is trying to cover up and rationalize what's happened. And it looks like they got away with it, too, until a curious mathematician (whose geekiness earns him the honorary title of Computer Scientist) stumbled onto the patterns.

2003-07-24T21:22:00.000-04:00

|[ More Maddox ]|

This one's pretty funny.

2003-07-23T12:32:00.000-04:00

|[ Prettiness... ]|

Here's a blog by a pretty girl.

Good thing I don't know her.

2003-07-21T20:05:00.000-04:00

|[ Farting in The Matrix ]|

A word of caution: make sure you are not drinking or eating anything while watching this Matrix parody. Its really funny. I choked while drinking some lemonade and it came out my nose and went into my bowl of spaghetti--even though I watched it five times previously. Sheeit!

http://www.fishpig.org/files/matrix.mpg

2003-07-20T18:50:00.000-04:00

|[ GF ]|

"The fiercest men are those who have nothing to lose."

-- The Cigarette Smoking Man, The X-Files

2003-07-19T22:37:00.000-04:00

|[ The Dark Technology Project ]|

Word on the street is that the Dark Technology Project is Dildog's personal work (still under development, apparently).

And it seems that he enjoys making music when he's not working for @Stake:

Good stuff!

2003-07-18T09:33:00.000-04:00

|[ Before it went "Poof!"... ]|

There were lots of pretty ladies in my dream last night.

I was happy.

2003-07-17T08:24:00.000-04:00

|[ =( ]|

Pretty girls still depress me.

2003-07-15T19:05:00.000-04:00

|[ ]|

"The rusting sprocket turns slower and slower..."

--Joe Testa during the Dark Days

2003-07-14T14:23:00.000-04:00

|[ D.A.R.E. needs better marketing... ]|

This is why you shouldn't do drugs.

2003-07-13T07:29:00.000-04:00

|[ =( ]|

Pretty girls depress me.

2003-07-11T18:58:00.000-04:00

|[ Joe on security, part 4 ]|

I called up my bank the other day to order some of my cancelled checks. After burrowing deep into their phone system from menus about as helpful as, "If you can tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca-Cola, press 1. If you like to choke yourself while masturbating, press 2, ...", I finally got to a live person who, to verify my identity, asked me to enter the first five digits of my Social Security number into the keypad.

My gut instinct immediately told me that this was not a good idea. Being on a cellphone, I realized that part of my freakin' Social Security number was going to be broadcasted everywhere in a one mile radius, then travel God-knows-where over a multitude of shody telephone equipment from 1971 before it reaches its destination.

Then rational thought kicked in and I remembered that the DHS is watching over me like a guardian angel, and that I've got nothing to worry about. That, and the girl on the other end sounded hot, so I complied. Then she asked me to enter my entire account number. (!)

Here's a fun fact about Social Security numbers: the first five digits are not private. They are deterministic with respect to the year and state you were born in, which are pieces of information very easy to obtain.

Society should be thankful that I'm not a criminal.

2003-07-09T17:24:00.000-04:00

|[ Wow... ]|

... some people just need to be straight-up PIMP SLAPPED. Or maybe a good elbow-off-the-top-rope, WWF-style. Or three.

Seriously.

I think I'm going to go drinking so I can calm down...
--
Apache v2.0.47 was released.

2003-07-08T19:20:00.000-04:00

|[ Joe on security, part 3 ]|

Do you feel all warm and fuzzy after turning off the ESPN and heading into the airport? Well, you should, 'cuz the airport security is unbreakable!

It makes sense, too, since everyone lost their right to privacy, that must mean that we gained some security, right?

2003-07-07T20:26:00.000-04:00

|[ Joe on security, part 2 ]|

Ever use an ATM machine? If you ever use multiple machines from different banks and look at the receipts, you'll notice that four digits of your card's number are on it.

Funny thing is that they're not always the same four numbers. Some machines will print '4254 XXXX XXXX XXXX', and others will print 'XXXX XXXX XXXX 3452'. If you're following along now, you'll realize that its trivial to get half of the card's numbers. That still leaves ten million possibilities for the brute force approach, so that's still infeasible. Retrieving the other eight digits through other means is an exersize left to the reader (a hint: the right combination of social engineering, vulnerable technology, and rampant poor security practices makes it almost as trivial as what I've already explained...).

But that's ok, right? The Department of Homeland Security is going to save us all, right?? I mean, we've already pissed away most of the rights guaranteed to us by the Constitution, so that should give the feds what they need to save us all, right??

Right??

Of course. So just go back to your nice, warm, fuzzy safety bubble and continue watching ESPN, 'cuz Bin Laden can't attack us if we're spending all our time worrying about who's going to make it to the Superbowl next year.

2003-07-06T14:37:00.000-04:00

|[ Credit card "security" ]|

My bank mailed me a new credit card because the one I had expired. I opened the envelope and on the shiny new card was a sticker that said, "Call this 1-800 number to have your card activated". This is a security feature to prevent someone from stealing the card from your mailbox. Sounds good so far, right?...

So I called the number. A recorded voice said that all I have to do is enter the last four digits of my Social Security number, and my card will be activated.

Are you kidding me?? The last four digits of my SS# is all they need?? That's not private information! The Temple of Unhappiness assigns usernames to all students for e-mail, online services, etc, and they create it by appending those digits to your initials. Any idiot with basic computer skills can search for "Joe Testa RIT", and will quickly find my old e-mail address: jst3290@rit.edu (also jst3290@cs.rit.edu).

No wonder the Department of Justice reported that identity theft quadrupled in 2002: most people wouldn't know security if it popped them in the ass.

On the brighter side of things, though, I typed this entire post while only wearing my wife-beater, boxer shorts, socks, and the bling-blingin' gold on my chest. Aww, yeah!

2003-07-05T15:58:00.000-04:00

|[ SHAME ON YOU!!! ]|

You don't have the 1st, 4th, 9th and 10th Amendments to the U.S. Constitution memorized, do you!? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Amendment I: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment IV: The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment IX: The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X: The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

MEMORIZE THESE AMENDMENTS!!! THERE WILL BE A TEST!

2003-07-03T18:23:00.000-04:00

|[ One step closer to enslavement... ]|

Here's a cool online game built using artificial intelligence. The gameplay is simple: you think of an object, and the A.I. will ask you questions about it, then it tries to guess what it is.

On my first try, I chose 'child molester', and it guessed 'a drunk' after 22 questions. Close, but no cigar. The next round, it correctly guessed 'flask' in 19 questions, but then lost its groove when it guessed 'a weather balloon' for 'Agent Smith'.

The coolest part is that it learns about new objects entirely from the users who play with it. Creepy!

2003-07-02T21:10:00.000-04:00

|[ The goth subculture ]|

I can appreciate the goth subculture as an artistic expression as long as it follows one and only one condition: that it keeps its distance from me.

I usually find goth females to be somewhat repulsive, though every once in awhile I find a few that are strangely attractive. Here are some samples of what I'm talking about:

"Demonique"

"Devouredsoul"

"Edenprosper"

"Gawthpallor"

"Hellbelle"

"Kita"

"Morrigan"

"Siren"

"Vinyldemon"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'd never date a goth. The best I could ever do is admire these girls from a distance. A long distance....

Oh yeah, and its worth it to mention that I almost fell out of my seat when I saw this pic. Catsuit. Oh. My. God!

2003-07-01T19:51:00.000-04:00

|[ Department Of Homeland Security: 1 jdog: 0 ]|

So there I was, in my apartment yesterday, getting all ready to ship some of my victim's blood to an abandoned warehouse in North Dakota, when suddenly, I noticed written at the top of the Fed-Ex envelope.....

... "Do not ship liquids, blood, or diagnostics in this packaging."

Curses!!! I've been foiled again!!

First, Inner, Outter, Last! (all in the past tense)

2003-06-30T18:34:00.000-04:00

|[ asphinctersayswhat? ]|

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked.
'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

--Alice In Wonderland, Lewis Caroll
--
Mozilla v1.4 final has been released! ... but you already knew that, you Mozilla whore, you!

2003-06-29T17:50:00.000-04:00

|[ Sippin' on Gin and Juice! ]|

Here's a picture of me outside the Metropolitan Museum in New York City a month ago. Museum patrons that day not only got to see fine works from Manet and Velazquez, but also a sample of contemporary JDog art walking around the halls as well.

The bulge in my leather pants there is, uhh..... my Palm Pilot.

2003-06-27T20:48:00.000-04:00

|[ Maddox ]|

http://maddox.xmission.com/

Maddox has been publishing rants since '98. His web page designing skills might need some improvement, but his sly quips are sharp as ever.

He's also a C.S. guy who rips on Business majors. Rock on.
--
Mozilla v1.4RC3 was released.

2003-06-26T12:44:00.000-04:00

|[ ( | ) ]|

TIME TO MOVE DOWN TO TEXAS, BABY!@#@!$$!

I mean!..... uhhhh...... errrr........nothing!.....

....

2003-06-24T18:10:00.000-04:00

|[ DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! ]|

It all started mid-September, 2001 when I casually said to a friend, "You know what? For some reason, I haven't masturbated for two whole weeks!", to which he replied, "Yeah, me too!...". Then before we knew it, someone came up with the brilliant idea to have a contest to see who would last the longest.

Obviously, we agreed that this contest would pivot around the honor system. The rules were simple: try to last as long as you can without masturbation or sex. Now, we were two students at the Temple of Unhappiness, where the ratio of guys to girls was literally 5:1, so giving up sex was a moot point but it had to be explicitly noted anyway. Wet dreams--or "auto-pilot" as it came to be known--were allowed simply because they are a function of biology, not will-power.

After a few days, everyone in our dorm had heard of this contest. A few other guys decided to join in, too. One of them lasted two weeks until his girlfriend came up to visit. Another lasted only three days before cracking.

An eternity passes (two months), and I officially win the competition. But do you think I "celebrated"? Hellz no!! Instead, I went for a victory lap. A loooong victory lap. I ended up "staying clean" for another month and a half for no reason at all.

I lasted from September 1st, 2001 to January 4th, 2002. And I would have probably lasted longer if some girl didn't start touchin' me that night (she did it on purpose).

Sooo..... yeah. I definitely won lots of respect from this ordeal, but it came with a price. I seriously damaged my sex drive. It wasn't until a year later that I recovered from the damage I caused, and I still don't think I'm back 100% even to this day.

The moral of the story: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!

2003-06-23T20:16:00.000-04:00

|[ Agent Smith & Neo get freaky on my desk ]|

Is anyone surprised that I own the Agent Smith and Neo collectible action figures? Gee, why not??

These figures are molded to the scene in the first Matrix movie when the characters are trying to shoot each other in mid-air. Though their arms and legs are immovable since they're made of solid plastic, there are still LOTS of dirty poses that I periodically arrange them in for my own amusement. Take a look:

Here they are in their natural pose... and yes, that's also a picture of Neo on my desktop: one

Here's Agent Smith diving for Neo's junk, and Neo looks as if he's definitely enjoying it!: two

Ahh, yes... the classic 69 position: three

Smith switches to some manual-action: four

This is the funniest position, but my camera takes shitty close-up shots. You'll have to imagine the teeth-clenching look on their faces that adds the perfect touch: five

--
AbiWord v1.0.6 was released.

2003-06-19T09:48:00.000-04:00

|[ Some hot, hot action! ]|

I had a flashback yesterday, in between rambling with my co-workers about dry-humping.

I remembered a year ago... I was feeling really shitty on a train going out of Hoboken, NJ. Suddenly, though, my whole day turned around in an instant when I thought to myself, "You know what? I bet sometime, somewhere, a female has masturbated while thinking of me!"

And just like that, a smile leaped upon my face, the dark clouds parted, the sun shined brighter, and the birds chirped louder.

And speaking of hot, hot action... also yesterday, I was cooking my dinner on the stove top, and apparently I had the heat up too much. I mean... spaghetti just isn't supposed to start on fire while still submerged under water, right?

2003-06-18T09:40:00.000-04:00

|[ Word of the day ]|

The word of the day is: dry-hump.

Try to use it in as many sentences as you can! Whoever uses it the most wins a FREE 31337 Sekrut Transformers Decoder Ring!@#!@!!!

After awhile you'll notice just like I did, that its virtually impossible to over-use this word!
--
Xpdf v2.02pl1 was released.

2003-06-17T13:21:00.000-04:00

|[ 2003 Air Guitar World Championships ]|

(I found out about this over my vacation, and now its a little late, but its still funny, so...)

Grandmaster Ratte' of the CULT OF THE DEAD COW (whom I named in the past one of my heros... and yes, that's him taking a bubble bath while smoking a cigar with his Apple ][ computer, pearl-handled revolver, Jesus candle, and cow skull...), posted this on his blog.

Oh man. Apparently, there's an international air guitar competition, where people get up on stage and pretend to play guitar to any 60 second clip of music.

G. Ratte' said he was going to go to the U.S. competition which was on the 6th of June, but he didn't post anything else about it, so I don't know what's up. But seeing the show that he put on at last year's H2K2 convention with a real guitar convinces me that the $8.00 charge to watch the competition would be well worth it. I was so entertained by the show, I felt compelled to stay afterwards and tell him how cool it was. That's right, kidz! I met Grandmaster Ratte' himself!

Oh yeah... here are videos of the 2001 & 2002 air guitar champion. I personally don't understand why this guy won...

2003-06-16T13:02:00.000-04:00

|[ A Chinese Proverb ]|

"It is better to be a beginner than a master because a beginner can proceed in any direction, whereas the master is entrenched in old habits."

(que gong sound)
--
Linux v2.4.21 was released! Get your compile on.

2003-06-15T16:29:00.000-04:00

|[ Incorruptible Bodies ]|

Being avidly interested in all things paranormal, I found this page on the incorruptible bodies of saints: http://www.forteantimes.com/articles/159_saintspreserved.shtml

For those of you who aren't familiar with the subject: it has been observed many times since the Middle Ages that certain bodies of deceased saints simply do not decompose. Their bodies, even when buried in damp tombs or submerged in muddy pools, have remained intact for hundreds of years. They typically emit no odor, though some have been noted to smell like roses. Freaky!

Here are some quotes from the article above:

Another extraordinary saint is Blessed Margaret of Metola. Margaret was a blind dwarf, hunchbacked and lame, but that didn't stop her from living a life of heroic service to the poor. She died in 1330, but in 1558 her remains had to be transferred because her coffin was rotting away. At the exhumation, witnesses were amazed to find that like the coffin, the clothes had rotted, but Margaret's crippled body hadn't. With typical understatement, Cruz reports: 'The body of Blessed Margaret, which has never been embalmed, is dressed in a Dominican habit, and lies under the high altar of the Church of St Domenico at Citta-di-Castello, Italy. The arms of the body are still flexible, the eyelashes are present, and the nails are in place on the hands and feet. The colouring of the body has darkened slightly and the skin is dry and somewhat hardened, but by all standards the preservation can be considered a remarkable condition, having endured for over six hundred and fifty years.'

[...]

When St John of the Cross died in 1591, he was buried in a vault beneath the floor of the church. When the tomb was opened, nine months later, the body was fresh and intact; and when a finger was amputated to use as a relic, the body bled as a living person would have done. When the tomb was opened for a second time nine months after that, the body was still fresh, despite the fact that it had been covered with a layer of quicklime. At further exhumations in 1859 and 1909, the body was found to be still fresh. The last exhumation was in 1955, when the body--after nearly 400 years--was still "moist and flexible" although the skin "was slightly discoloured".

2003-06-13T08:38:00.000-04:00

|[ I just couldn't resist... ]|

I wasn't ever planning on taking any of these trendy quizzes and posting their results on my blog like everyone else, but yesterday I stumbled upon a very special quiz.... soooo.....

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HELLZ YEAH@!!@#$

2003-06-12T12:44:00.000-04:00

|[ DIE DIE DIE! ]|

IF VERIZON DOESN'T TURN ON MY FREAKIN' INTERNET ACCESS SOON, I'M GOING TO FREAKIN' FIREBOMB THEIR FREAKIN' HEADQUARTERS!!!!!
--
Ethereal v0.9.13 was released.
GTK+ v2.2.2 & GLIB v2.2.2 were released.

2003-06-11T14:59:00.000-04:00

|[ E-mail ]|

Date: Tue, 10 Jun 2003 22:54:51 -0400
From: Tvienti <**tvienti**@dreamjunky.com>
To: Joseph Salvatore Testa <**jdog**@wam.umd.edu>
Subject: Re: This is going to be you one day...

My bunker's almost ready
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joseph Salvatore Testa" <**jdog**@wam.umd.edu>
To: <**tvienti**@dreamjunky.com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 4:46 PM
Subject: This is going to be you one day...

> http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/06/10/captive.women.ap/index.html
>
> __________________________________________
> "Those who desire to give up Freedom
> in order to gain Security, will not have,
> nor do they deserve, either one."
>
> -- Thomas Jefferson

2003-06-10T09:30:00.000-04:00

|[ Tales from the JDog ]|

Here's another little story from my recent vacation.

At one point I was prancing around New York City, still in the outfit, mind you, and I ended up going to the Metropolitan Museum. The security personnel, seeing the highly dangerous purse my mom was carrying, immediately snapped into action, took her aside, and systematically searched it until they were satisfied that she was not carrying any dangerous objects. But me? They let me right on through with my super-shiney .308 caliber *bullet belt* around my waist in plain view (these are the bullets that the U.S. Army's M60 machine gun fires--the same gun that Neo fires from the helicopter in the first Matrix movie!).

So then I stood in line for three minutes with my dad to buy admission tickets. Then _one_ sissy lookin' security guy crawls up to me, doesn't even look me in the eye, and mumbles to me, "Uhh.... I think you're gonna have to check in your belt in the coat room", then he scurries away. He didn't even stick around to make sure that I really did check it in. What a moron.

This is why I laugh whenever I hear the words "Homeland Security".

2003-06-09T10:25:00.000-04:00

|[ Back! ]|

Ok, I'm back from vacation, though I might as well not be since the computer lab in my apartment still doesn't have Internet access. =(

Stories. Wow.... I've got a few. I'm pressed for time, but here's a short one anyways: I went to a dance club in my outfit, and this tall, attractive brunette girl came up from behind and squeezed my leather-clad ass with both her hands. Then for the rest of the night, I kept trying to dance with her and she kept ignoring me.

This is exactly why I think my life would be easier if I was gay.

2003-05-28T16:22:00.000-04:00

|[ Administrivia ]|

I'll be on "vacation" from May 29th until June 5th.

Get ready for some HOT BLOGGIN' ACTION when I get back. You won't even know what to do with yourself.

2003-05-28T16:17:00.000-04:00

|[ Motivation ]|

"The possibility that we may fail in the struggle should not deter us from supporting a cause we beleive to be just."

--Abraham Lincoln
--
Apache v2.0.46 was released.

2003-05-27T13:53:00.000-04:00

|[ "Little People" ]|

You should always keep in mind that little people are still normal people--they're just little. So it shouldn't surprise you that some white little people are little wiggaz.

2003-05-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

|[ Woah ]|

Its a sad, sad sight to see a computer nerd loose Internet access for a day and a half. So, so sad...

My router & DSL modem both bit the shit on Sunday night. Right now, I'm writing this post from McKeldin Library, while trying my best to do my work with only one (1) computer, instead of in my apartment with my mini-computer lab.

This is why I haven't posted anything recently. But sit tight! More entertainment is coming soon!

Oh yes...

2003-05-24T19:12:00.000-04:00

|[ Ahhh.... Internet.... ]|

Here's a blog by a 27 year old bisexual female stripper who's addicted to pain killers.

Man... ya gotta love the Internet...

2003-05-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

|[ Mullets! ]|

If ever you're feeling shitty or having a bad day, just think to yourself, "It could be worse. I could have a mullet." Then you'll feel better. Guaranteed.

http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

2003-05-22T22:44:00.000-04:00

|[ Tweaker ]|

'Tweaker' is the name that Chris Vrenna goes by these days now that he's solo. For those of you who aren't up on your Nine Inch Nails trivia: he used to be their drummer.

He was solely responsible for the totally kick-ass soundtrack to the Alice In Wonderland video game released two years ago. Back in November, I stumbled upon his website, and lo and behold!: free tracks from the game!

This music is so cool. In fact, its so cool, that I actually bought it for $12.00. This is the only music aside from Nine Inch Nails' The Fragile I've purchased since the advent of Napster back in 1999, and its worth every penny.

Track 15, "Flying on the Wings of Steam", is now the official theme song for this web page. In fact, Chris Vrenna sampled the heavenly voices directly from the ambient aural phenomenon emitted from the pages of Bruce Schneier's Applied Cryptography, 2nd edition (read this post).

Here are two other Alice songs he's released: Pool of Tears and Fortress of Doors. If you like these tracks, I highly recommend buying the CD. The rest of the songs are just as good, if not better. You won't be disappointed.

He's made some remixes of other artists' songs, too. My favorites are Adrenaline by Gavin Rosdale, X by Xzibit, and Turn Off the Light by Nelly Furtado. His download page has even more mp3's.

2003-05-20T22:40:00.001-04:00

|[ More Freaky Brain Damage Stuff ]|

Here's another quote from my book for PSYC 310:

Although locomotion and other forms of movement though space tend to be visually guided, there are times when they can manage despite the absence of vision. With eyes closed, you can walk around with a fair degree of safety, at least for several seconds. You can also keep track of a moving object without constantly watching it. By visually sampling the object's trajectory every half second or so, you can track it pretty accurately. Or if you take a quick look at the objects on your desk, and then close your eyes, you can reach out and grasp any one of them with relative ease. Even if you miss, you hand will be fairly close to the intended position. Small errors tend to creep in during the final moments of actually trying to grasp the object; then vision seems especially important (Goodale, Pelisson, and Problanc, 1986).

This dissociation between the initial, large movements of the hand and the final, smaller ones shows up dramatically in a neuological condition called optic ataxia (ataxia means a disorder of movement). Damasio and Benton (1979) examined a patient who had localized brain lesions resulting from a suicide attempt. One affected area, immediately in front of the visual cortex, integrates visual information about the hands and arms with proprioceptive information about the hands and arms. (Proprioception is the sensation-based awareness of where your limbs are.) When the patient's eyes were open, she had great difficulty reaching for objects--a cigarette or ashtray might be missed by several inches. She would begin to reach out in the right direction, but at the last second, her arm and hand would go astray. She then had to grope about for the object as though she were blind.

Her difficulties with visually guided reaching were not caused by impairment of her sense of touch: with her eyes closed, she had no trouble buttoning or unbuttoning garments or pointing to some part of her body. The impairments were also not caused by diminished vision. In fact, her visual acuity was quite normal. Moreover, she had no trouble walking with her eyes open. The impairment seemed to be limited to fine hand movements performed under visual guidance. This rare disorder is a reminder of how crucial a role vision normally plays in guiding movements. It is also a reminder that a complete theory of vision must include the action that vision makes possible.

I think the lesson to learn here is that you shouldn't attempt to kill yourself, otherwise your vision might get all tweaked-out.

Yeah.
--
Gimp v1.2.4 was released.

2003-05-19T22:11:00.000-04:00

|[ This is what I think about when its finals week and I want to kill myself ]|

Did you know that if you owned all the lollipop factories in the world, you'd have a lollipop-opily?

2003-05-18T10:01:00.000-04:00

|[ Handcuffs? ]|

Every night before falling asleep in my bed for the past two weeks, I've been having these recurring visions. This girl climbs on top of me and handcuffs me down, and uhhh.... yeah.

Then a few days ago, out of nowhere, my grandfather calls me and asks if I'd be interested in having his handcuffs. Coincidence?

If this isn't a coincidence, then I guess I'm headed for some interesting times--he's giving me not just one pair, as I've envisioned using many times already, but TWO PAIR!

Now, two people don't need two pairs of handcuffs. They just need one. However, one person could handcuff TWO people down with two pair. Hrm!
--
Gaim v0.63 was released.

2003-05-17T11:27:00.000-04:00

|[ Homestar Runner and Friends ]|

homestarrunner.com is crazy website dedicated to a nonsense cartoon character named 'Homestar Runner' and his cracked-out friends. There's lots of content there, but most of it centers around the animated movies.

This stuff is funny. But its not your regular kind of funny. Its off-beat, jdog-kind of humor, so I'm not sure if many people besides me will laugh...

Anyway, one of Homestar Runner's friends, Strong Bad, has his own e-mail section which I like the best. Here are my favorites:

English paper

techno

crazy cartoon

dragon

Marzipan's answering machine is another classic.

Teen girl squad #3!: "My blood hurts!"
--
GCC v3.3 was released.

2003-05-15T13:31:00.000-04:00

|[ The Matrix: Reloaded ]|

Wow. Reloaded is a very different movie. Many portions of it are nothing like the first one. This change reminded me of the progression between the two books of Lewis Carroll's Alice In Wonderland (which the directors acknowledged as a major influence). The story unravels into a much deeper level.

The directors decided to take a risk by being different. Unfortunately, I think that a lot of people are going to enter the theater expecting more of the same, and they're not going to be ready for a surprise. I'm not saying that its a bad movie, but rather that the masses aren't going to appreciate the change in venue. The obsessives are gonna love it, though.

There are many new philosophical issues revealed which I didn't quite comprehend all at once, so I can't say much about that until I see it a few more times. But the action is totally amazing. Neo *totally whoops* some Agent-ass. And speaking of ass, you even get to see Neo's in a scene in the real world! Bonus!

And they really know how to get FREAKY down in Zion! Damn.

So my advice is to free your mind, sit back, and enjoy the show!

2003-05-14T08:12:00.000-04:00

|[ You had to know this was coming... ]|

"The Matrix is a System, Neo, and that System is our enemy. When you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen... teachers... lawyers... carpenters... the very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that System, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand that most people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inurged, so hopelessly dependent on the System, that they will fight to protect it.

Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?"

-- Morpheus, The Matrix

The Gospel According to Neo.

2003-05-13T07:31:00.000-04:00

|[ Days until ... ]|

... this semester is over: 9
... Reloaded: 1.68
... getting laid: infinity

2003-05-12T07:28:00.000-04:00

|[ Freaky Brain Damage Stuff ]|

Here's a quote from my book for PSYC 310:

The experience of motion, in all its various forms, is so integral to daily life that it is hard to imagine life without it. But in rare cases, individuals who have suffered certain kinds of brain damage can no longer perceive motion. To get some idea of what this would be like, consider this description of D.L., a woman who suffered extensive damage to the posterior portions of both hemispheres of her brain. Although D.L.'s visual acuity and form perception were normal, her experience of visual motion was drastically impaired.

She had difficulty, for example, in pouring tea or coffee into a cup because the fluid appeared to be frozen, like a glacier. In addition, she could not stop pouring at the right time since she was unable to perceive the movement in the cup (or a pot) when the fluid rose.... In a room where more than two other people were walking she felt very insecure and unwell, and usually left the room immediately, because "people were suddenly here or there but I have not seen them moving."... She could not cross the street because of her inability to judge the speed of a car, but she could identify the car itself without difficulty. "When I'm looking at the car first, it seems far away. But then, when I want to cross the road, suddenly the car is very near." (Zihil, von Cramon and Mai, 1983, p. 315)

Today, nearly two decades after her brain was damaged, D.L.'s condition remains essentially unchanged, though she has developed some coping strategies. For example, she has learned to look away from a speaker's face when listening to that person talk; otherwise D.L. is distracted because the speaker's mouth never seems to move (Zihl, von Cramon Mai and Schmid, 1991; Campbell et al., 1997).

2003-05-11T14:07:00.000-04:00

|[ Jabberwocky ]|

'Twas billig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

--Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

Ahh, yes. Shunning the frumious Bandersnatch. That pretty much sums up what I've been doing for the last four years of my life. In fact, I could even teach an entire course on proper frumious Bandersnatch shunning techniques.

Or something.

2003-05-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

|[ The Prophecy Revisited ]|

WHY CAN'T SOMEONE ELSE SAVE THIS FUCKING WORLD!? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME!?
--
Mozilla v1.3.1 & v1.4b were released.

2003-05-09T19:34:00.000-04:00

|[ ... ]|

Hey, at least my mom understands me. [Note to self: no, she doesn't.]

2003-05-08T16:50:00.000-04:00

|[ Joe Found TWO HOT CHICKS! ]|

After I wrote yesterday's post, I rethought my position on online dating. I decided that its not so bad after all. And you know what? I just found TWO HOT CHICKS ONLINE!

Here's a picture of the first. She's a knock-out, eh?? Here's a picture of the second (though I'll admit she's not as fresh as the first one...).

I'm pretty fond of them both, but I have a preference for the first. Unfortunately, however, I think they're both out of my league. =(

More madness is here.

2003-05-07T12:15:00.000-04:00

|[ "Online help for love-seeking college Cupids" ]|

Here's an article on CNN.com. Below is a partial transcript with my own comments inserted with italics:

(AP) -- They might not want to admit it. But even when surrounded by hundreds of potential dates -- in their classes, at parties or just walking around campus -- many college students have a hard time finding love.

Uhhh... I think they meant to put, "Joe has a hard time finding two-way love", since it seems like everyone else does just fine.

Actually, I agree that the above statement is true because they used the L-word. Most college students here at the Temple of Hedonism are just looking for something cheap and shallow. And they get it, too. So am I supposed to feel sorry for them or something?

That fact, coupled with their Internet savvy, is making students a natural market for a growing number of high-tech cupids who are providing online matchmaking services aimed at the college crowd.

Some, such as the newly launched CollegeLuv.com, were started by companies that already run more general online dating services. Others have been created by students such as Michael Mason, who saw a need and decided to fill it. Most, though not all, charge a fee.

"It used to be that no one wanted to tell their friends they met someone online," says Mason, a North Carolina State sophomore who started CampusFlirts.com three months ago. "That stigma still exists, but I think it's really starting to fade."

Uhh... they still don't want to admit to that. That is, unless they're a Computer Science major, who's a level 67 Wizard in Dungeons and Dragons. In that case, its not only OK, but expected--'cuz hey, this Friday night, they got the perfect chance to steal the Sword of Justice from the Seductress of Nosgoth!! If they wait until the following Saturday night, they might get caught in that gelatinous cube with the blue-acid trap again!!! OH NO!@#!

So far, about 3,000 students from campuses across the country have signed up for Mason's matchmaking service, which he started with money from his credit cards.

Hrm.... I can't imagine that a service filled with 2,993 Computer Science males and 7 Computer Science female geeks is going to be very successful...

Jonathan Monsarrat, a graduate of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, went smaller scale, creating a free temporary site that helped students and recent graduates from MIT, Harvard and Wellesley find dates for Valentine's Day. Nearly 4,000 people signed up.

I bet Jon's a pretty lonely guy.

Because of it, Monsarrat said, even he found what he calls an "almost girlfriend."

So does that mean that he now has an "almost life"?

--
GnuPG v1.2.2 was released. (Find it if you can!)

2003-05-06T19:33:00.000-04:00

|[ Wiggaz ]|

This is funny. These guys actually think they look good!:

http://www.wiggaz.com/pics1.htm
http://www.wiggaz.com/pics2.htm
http://www.wiggaz.com/pics3.htm

Oooh! Female wiggaz! One of the many varieties of women who totally turn me off!: http://www.wiggaz.com/fem.htm

... and I saved the best for last! The Euro-Wiggaz!: http://www.wiggaz.com/euro.htm
--
The Second Renaissance Part 2 was released!

2003-05-05T18:35:00.000-04:00

|[ Dildog of the CULT OF THE DEAD COW's Ninja Strike Force ]|

Dildog was one of my teenager heros. He's a hacker with a great sense of style and humor ('Dildog' is his handle).

First, an aside. The term 'hacker' was coined back in the 1970's to describe a person who was good with computers. It was originally meant to be a complement. In recent times, however, the media has polluted the term and twisted it to refer to a malicious computer user. The computer underground, in an effort to mediate between the old and the new meanings and help clear the confusion, contributed two modifiers to 'hacker' . The so-called white-hat hackers are the traditional good guys, just as before, and the black-hat hackers are the evil, malicious users. The white/black cues were borrowed from old cowboy westerns where the good guys always wore white hats and the bad guys always wore black. Of course, not everyone can be pigeon-holed as a strictly good guy/bad guy, and so those left over are referred to as 'grey hats'.

Unfortunately, the media ignores all of this, and continues to misuse the term. This is why I can never give a simple answer when people ask me, "Are you a hacker?". I usually give a long-winded aside like I just did above, and after five minutes, end with, "So I'm a white-hat."

This isn't to say that I've been a white-hat all my life. As a younger teenager, I was filled with much hate and contempt for authority (not unlike other teenagers my age), and I tended to vent my frustration through my growing technical skills. But those details are another story for another day...

Anyway, back to my original point. Dildog, a grey-hat who was a member of the world-famous L0pht Heavy Industries (a highly respected underground computer security group of yesteryear), and a current member of the CULT OF THE DEAD COW, caught my attention through a series of highly technical papers examining the security of several types of systems. This was my first introduction to computer security from the perspective of a real Kung-Fu Master. I soon learned that there were many useful and constructive applications for my talents. And, well, a few years later.... here I am: a white-hat employed as a software engineer for a computer security company.

Below are two quotes from one of his papers titled "The Tao of Windows Buffer Overflow". In this paper, he explores the gory technical details on how to exploit a weakness in Microsoft's Netmeeting software in order to take over someone else's computer (these details were not disclosed in an attempt to spread panic and lawlessness; this is a tactic known as Full Disclosure, which is a successful tactic used by security researchers worldwide in their attempt to make the world a better place--its a loooong story.) Before you read his paper, a word of caution: this paper is not for the technologically timid!

Here's where he gets into how this Netmeeting flaw can be exploited in a real-world scenario:

"If you wanted to exploit this overflow, you could simply start up Netmeeting, find a bunch of people on the ILS server, and send them email with the CNF file attached. Just make the mail say something like: My girlfriend and I want you to watch us fuck while you spank it! Call us soon, we're horny! They'll click the icon. It may also be possible to fake a connection to an ILS server as well, creating a fake user and supplying the bogus address line with our exploit it in, so that if they click on the name, they get zapped. All kinds of fun owning the machines of horny men looking for titties on the net!"

He continues on for many pages more, and concludes this entire topic with:

"Now you can start ruling the world. Have fun with this knowledge. Rob from the rich, and rob from the poor. Eat your cat. Kill your parents. Blow up your local elementary school. Rape young farm animals. Do whatever your sick and twisted mind can fathom. And when you get caught, just tell 'em Satan made you do it."

See? I told you he's got style and humor.

So.... yeah. I bet that's *way* more info on the computer security underground than you wanted to know.

2003-05-04T08:18:00.000-04:00

|[ Excuse me, but I've got to go die alone now... ]|

I think a girl at the gym likes me, which means she's wearing quite the coke-bottle beer goggles. But that's ok, right? We all have our flaws.

So I've got two ways to handle the situation. Either I can enlighten her with The Prophecy, or I can just lay it out to her about my Two Inch Terminator (not literally, mind you, since its only two inches and it doesn't even fit out my open zipper...).

Oh, the SUSPENSE!
--
Ethereal v0.9.12 was released.

2003-05-03T17:28:00.000-04:00

|[ The Twelfth Day Of Christmas ]|

I thought I was obsessed: Legos

The Trinity game (and just in case you didn't know: Trinity is hot).

2003-05-02T23:04:00.000-04:00

|[ The Silver Lining... ]|

All the best superheros didn't have girlfriends. Batman didn't, and neither did Fox Mulder.

This makes me feel better.